Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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