I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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