Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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