Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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