If that was your dad, he is hot
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
