The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
