Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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