i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
