I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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