Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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