Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
