Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
ttyl tear gas
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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