i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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