He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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