Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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