if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
