This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
