Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
