I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
