Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
