This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize