Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
