I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
