im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
