I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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