I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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