babies were throwing up all over the place
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize