maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
