just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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