weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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