saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize