her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
