what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
