you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
