so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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