Michael Bay diarrhea
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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