My underwear smells like fireworks.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
