i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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