Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize