I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
