dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
As shirtless as possible
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
