She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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