Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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