You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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