just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
