I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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