Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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