if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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