i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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