he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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