Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
