whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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