I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
