capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I AM VODKA MAN
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
