your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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