I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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