Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
