Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
