I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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