Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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