I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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