god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He kissed a someone with a penis
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
