Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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