I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
