if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
