So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
