I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Can you bring me the toilet please
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize