...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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