I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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