foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
