Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
